Will this rain ever let up? It has been wet for a while, and after experiencing quite possibly the coldest snap I can remember for a while in December, though this winter has been incredibly mild, apart from that isolated frosty patch, I am over winter now. Spring you can make your glorious, highly anticipated entrance any time now please hun? I recently saw a meme on Facebook which said, “if you want to see an example of resilience, just look at the horse owner from December to March”, and I couldn’t agree more. We’re tough stock, or as my Granddad would say, ‘hardy bitches’ us equine gals.
I’m into my second month of my new job with Black Nova Designs and as I sit writing this huddled up in bed, pjs on, wild hair resigned into a messy bun, hot chocolate on the side, cooling down ready to enjoy, I feel a mixture of excitement and increased motivation for well, just about everything lately. I’m anxious to return to the horses and yard in the morning, I always feel pang of unease leaving the yard and horses for 48 hours each week. I know they’re in safe hands, and everything is set up so that things can run as they normally do, but there is something about not being my usual 10 minutes down the road that just throws me off slightly.
It’s funny, and I’ve mentioned this to a few new contacts of mine within the media, since starting with Black Nova, that this job seems to have reignited my passion for writing. Not, for the revival of In The Country I should add, that’s still unviable, but for writing again in general and I guess that’s lead me back here, to log in to my website which has just been sitting dormant… waiting in the side lines, and to start typing away at this, another blog entry. How many is that in the last month? 3 maybe? Am I feeling ok? Goes to take temperature.
I’m not sure where the future of this website/blog will go, but for now I am just enjoying writing for the sheer love of it, thanks to the encouragement from a few individuals pushing me to continue writing, for me – not for the followers, or the brand collaborations, but purely to connect back to my love of writing, In The Country was born through a humble little blog after all. I remember spending days during the initial lock down writing my book (still in my drafts on my Mac shhh!), just because I loved it and needed a creative outlet.
This past year has been a complete whirlwind for me, I know I used to say that quite frequently during the ITC days, but I mean it on a different level this time around. Personally, I feel I completely lost myself this past year, my mental health really crumbled around me and I struggled. I still had the yard to run and show up for every day, and in many ways that probably kept me above water, knowing the horses and ponies relied on me daily, otherwise I can imagine I’d of struggled to get out of bed more often than not. I felt that the world was against me, my luck was laughable and I just felt at a complete loss. Whilst I won’t go into the whys, there were a lot of them. I remember joking (though underneath the smile and the laughing, I was deadly serious), I would say in jest how “I don’t know if I need coffee, coaching or counselling!’ Ultimately, I sought all three.
Since I decided to really take charge of my mental health and my future, my luck seems to be improving and my outlook on things seems brighter. I never really bought into the power of the universe ‘stuff’, but I’ll be totally real with you, it’s hard for me not to at the moment. When I took myself away for a few days to recharge and revaluate things, earlier this Summer to Wales, before I welcomed little Nellie (puppy not a human baby) into my world, I read the popular book by Vex King called Good Vibes, Good Life: How self-love is the key to unlocking your greatness. At the time, though it resonated, it didn’t seem attainable to me… but a few months of shitty experiences and days later, and now I can connect with every word. Now, I’m reading the 5 AM Club by Robin Sharmer.
I’m not sure WHAT changed, I certainly don’t feel I did anything differently. I’m not a religious person, but I feel I am becoming increasingly spiritual to some extent, now bear with me, you won’t find me howling at the moon any time soon. But, there have been a few times in my life, and increasingly so recently, that luck just doesn’t seem to cut it. Fate seems more plausible than luck.
My livery yard and the story behind how that came about is just one example, but this new job feels, in some ways like another. My new role seems like the perfect fit for me, and yet neither myself nor the guys at Black Nova were actively looking, ok I was half-heartedly but definitely not full bore. The opportunity evolved from an ordinary conversation between friends. I feel so lucky (which, for so long I genuinely felt like a rain cloud followed me, just like in the cartoons), that Kyle and Danielle have been so incredibly accommodating to me, and my lifestyle enabling me to work remotely alongside running my yard and welcoming Nellie into their office, who has managed the last two days in the office without her cage!! She’s growing up!
I really really want next year to be better in so many ways, and on so many levels, not just for me but for everyone.
Until next time…
Lots of love,